I have seen and been around different vaginas enough to have my say on taking care of them.
I have found Jesus and turned a new leaf but that doesn’t expunge the experience I gained and my knowledge.
So without further ado, below are 11 ways a lady can take proper care of her ‘eldorado’.
(I wrote this ‘unseriously’ on Whatsapp but a few friends wanted a copy online to share, so forgive any typos or ‘silly’ English)
1. Every lady should have tissue paper/baby wipes or any form of tissue in her bag/purse at all times when going out.
Madam, how do you clean up after you pee when you don’t have an ‘instrument’ you can shake off the remaining pee like men do?
Stop soiling your undies with pee…..
Even when you use a tissue, dab with water first to avoid that urine smell afterward.
2. Every lady has a unique smell.
Periodically smell your undies after a long day or deep a finger inside and smell it. Once in a while plsssssss.
So when the smell changes, you know something is wrong somewhere so you can visit the gynecologist asap.
Madam, please know your smell…….
3. Three holes. Take note.
75% (I have no evidence to back this claim so ignore if you may) of ladies think they have only one hole for pee and menstrual blood. Who is your Biology teacher, please?
You have three holes in fact.
A. Anus (Shit hole).
B. Urinary meatus (urethra opening) is just above the vagina where pee comes out from. You didn’t know shey…smh for you o. lol
C. Vaginal opening (Pussy). Where all the bad things happen and where your babies will come out from too.
Remember three holes, not two.
4. The issue of how often a girl should shave has been discussed numerously.
People say it’s only sexually active girl that shave often. Some truth to this but please shave as often as you can depending on how fast your pubic hair grows.
So what happens if you faint one day and they have to ‘naked’ you.
Would they see a savanna rainforest?
5. Ladies, please. As long as you are not seeing your menstrual flow, don’t sleep with panties on. When at home, be pantless.
Pant is a taboo except you are going out.
That place needs fresh air to remain fresh. The same way your lungs need air to keep you alive, your vagina needs air to remain in proper edible condition (if you don’t know what I mean then face front).
6. To douch or not to douch.
Madam, water is fine as long as your vagina is concerned. Don’t use chemicals/soap inside there for whatever reason.
Douching can disrupt the balance of bacteria (yes, the vagina has a bacteria called lactobacilli) in the vagina and can alter the normal PH level (between 3.5 and 4.5) of the vagina.
Use water to clean your vagina and let nature do the rest.
Say no to douching with chemicals and all.
7. For girls that can like to wear nylon pantyhose, tight garments, synthetic fabrics, tights and all.
All that stuff trap heat and moisture, providing a suitable environment for organisms to grow. Not good.
Make sure you only wear cotton panties ONLY.
8. Very Important.
Ladies, after using the toilet (to pee or defecate).
Don’t wipe your bum from back to front like guys do. Wipe from front to back.
If you wipe your bum from back to front (that’s upwards), bacteria from your anus could come in contact with your vagina. Not good.
If this is hard to remember, just wash your bum and dab with a tissue. Dab not wipe.
9. Stop rubbing your vagina to death after you shower.
Over cleaning can strip the skin of natural oils which are protecting you.
When you shower, don’t dry the vagina like you do your boobs and other parts, just dab gently.
10. When they said you should aim big as a girl while growing up, they didn’t mean aim for big penis too.
Stop allowing cars that are bigger than your garage park inside.
Be comfortable with your size and stick by it. Stop forming macho.
If it hurts the first time and the second time, don’t wait for the third time. RUN.
I repeat, don’t injure or stretch your vagina because of sex. There is no shame in aiming for the load you can carry. Be contented.
11. Lest I forget, we all know that the vagina gets wet before sex but along the way, the water inside fit finish. Don’t let the friction injure you.
Adequate lubrication avoids micro tears in and around the vagina after sex which can lead to an infection.
Stop using saliva, get KY jelly.