“If you wait till you have everything before you marry, you will not get married”. This was by far the most important advice I ever heard concerning marriage. Here I was with Mr. Kennedy listening to him as attentively as I could as he spilled words of wisdom about marriage into my subconscious.
He continued, “I was not even 30 years old when my dad said it was time for me to get married. I wasn’t even thinking of marriage because I had other things I wanted to do and achieve before even contemplating marriage.
‘Daddy, I want to buy a car before I get married’, I told him. My dad replied ‘Interesting, that’s good. So fix a date you want to buy your car so we can start planning your marriage’. His words were like a reality check. I should fix a date I want to buy the car?
That’s when my dad told me the advice that made me take that leap of faith those years ago
‘If you wait till you have everything before you marry, you will not get married’.
It’s been over 20 years since we had that conversation, I don’t still have a car till now but I have eight children and a wonderful wife”.
“My brother, let me tell you my own story”, said Mr. John as I sat in his office discussing marriage. He continued “after my wedding, I went home with my new wife and all we had in the house was three cups of beans. All the money we got from the wedding was used to settle the wedding bills. My wife knew all we had was three cups of beans but we were in a dilemma, if we eat the beans now, what would we eat tomorrow? But we had to eat something so we cooked the beans, eat and slept. The next day came and an empty pot and empty house greeted us when we woke up.
In fact, I was the first to wake up and with no work, I just kept wondering what my new wife would eat when she woke up. How could I marry a woman and now starve her on the first day? It was in this mental predicament that I heard a knock on the door. I opened up to see a friend who didn’t attend the wedding. He was going on and on about how he couldn’t make it to the wedding yesterday because of a few things that held him up. While he was apologizing, all I had in my mind was how and what I was going to do to feed my new wife. I didn’t tell him my number one problem but as he was about going, he dipped his hand in his pocket and gave me N3,000. This was over 15 years ago and till today I will never forget that money and the good it did in my life those perilous times.
My brother, as he said in conclusion,
“you don’t wait to be established before marriage, marriage establishes you”
I was always of the opinion that one needed to be settled before contemplating marriage. A man had to have his own house, a good paying job and a car. Enough money to take care of his wedding expenses and his new wife. But here I was listening to men that have gone through what I wanted to go through telling me otherwise.
First it was Mr. Kennedy and now Mr. John, both seemed to have the same “find the right woman and get married and everything else will fall in place” message.
Then just like yesterday I remembered the woman in the taxi in Calabar. I had just entered Calabar for the first time sometime last year and I boarded a cab to my friend’s house when the cab guy engaged me in a conversation that veered towards marriage.
He told me of his desires to get married but lacked the finances to take the leap of faith. Just as if God planned it, he stopped and picked this woman and a little girl. The little girl alighted a few blocks away. While we were discussing, this woman who I didn’t get her name overheard our conversation and pitched in. She told us her own story and God bearing me witness, I would try as much possible to say it as I heard that fateful day.
She began, “when I wanted to get married, my husband and I had only N850 to our name. He didn’t have enough to buy a crate of egg talk less of wedding cake or other things that a wedding entails. He kept postponing because he wanted things to be in place before we got married. I kept waiting and praying for our story to turn around and then like a wake up call, Papa (Bishop David Oyedepo) told us (the congregation) during a LIVE service not to depend on our finances to get married. He asked ‘is there anything too big for God to do?’
Then he directed us to write the date we planned on getting married down on a sheet of paper. I did. I went home that night and called my fiance. Told him the date we were getting married. He thought I had either gone mad or I had won a lottery somehow. I told him we were not getting married from our resources but God’s supply. It took a lot of convincing but he bought into the idea, we fixed our wedding date (same one I had picked as directed by the man of God). Remember we didn’t have money to plan a birthday party not to talk of a wedding. We told friends of our wedding plans and the date. Believing that the doors of Heaven will open in our favour.
Then just like a dream of the night, friends started calling and asking for our account numbers. It was like a competition to get our account numbers began as we announced the date. Alerts were coming in on a daily basis. The wedding came and went and just like the miracle of the five loaf and two fish, we had over N500k left after the wedding to start our life as a newly wedded couple”. She concluded and almost immediately stopped the cab and left. I was so much in awe that payed for her cab fare for I knew I had heard a testimony that would bless me for the rest of my life.
As I like to do when writing articles, I listen to gospel songs for inspiration but while writing this article, Sinach’s song ‘Way Maker’ came up and the chorus of that magnificent song resonated greatly with the message of this article.
Light in the darkness
That is who you are”
Even with no money, no car, no job, no money for bride price and wedding expenses. God is a way maker, enough to make a way for you.
He is a miracle worker. Have we all forgotten how He fed 5,000 men minus women and children with just five load and two fish? How many people are coming for your wedding that He can’t feed them with His infinite Heavenly resources?
He is a promise keeper. He told us in Proverbs 18:22 that “He who finds a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth favour from the LORD”. Your task as a man is to find a wife and favour as promised will locate you. Your job as a woman is to be found and favour as promised will find you.
He is a light in the darkness. The darkness of joblessness. The darkness of financial stagnation. The darkness of no car or even a house. The darkness of rising costs of bags of rice and every commodity used in weddings. He is the light in every darkness and remember, John 1:5 says “The light shines in the darkness and the darkness comprehended it not”.
I challenge you to get married this year. I don’t care if you have the money or not. God doesn’t care, you are just worrying for nothing.
Fix a date even if you are currently as single as the number 1, send out invites and leave the rest for the Way Maker to take charge.
Make God your wedding planner this year. He will never fail you. Never.