With the strict disciplinarian method African parents utilize in raising their children, are we inadvertently raising women beaters?
With the African tradition, it’s bride price and ownership of women ideology, are we inadvertently giving rise to women beaters?
As a precursor to this article, it’s advisable to read “African Parents Are Lazy Disciplinarians” where I explained my views on hitting children as a form of discipline.
So are African parents and the African tradition giving rise to women beaters?
Let’s take two points and bring it all together at the base of the article.
As discussed in the article “African Parents Are Lazy Disciplinarians“, African parents utilize the “spare the rod and spoil the child” approach in training their children. This approach is only advocated in third world countries (try whipping your child in advanced countries like USA, UK).
How African parents and African men think alike:
A. African parents don’t understand their children. They don’t realize that as adults, even children have different temperaments.
African men don’t understand their women. First of all, they don’t understand that women don’t think like men do. That women don’t show their emotions like men do. They don’t value and appreciate what makes both genders very different and unique. They still don’t realize that women are different. So they make statements like “my mother won’t behave like this” to their wives.
B. African parents don’t see their children as equals. They feel so far superior to their children that they have no say at home. “Do as I say this is my house”, an African father will tell his child.
African men also don’t see their wives as equals at home. They are the bread winners and must have the final say. “Do as I say, this is my house”, an African man will tell his wife.
C. African parents don’t fully understand the scripture. They don’t realize that the saying “spare the rod and spoil the child” isn’t in the Bible. They also take the word “rod” too literally to mean cane/whip when it actually means something different.
African men on the other hand take Ephesians 5:22 which says “Wives submit yourself to your husbands” to mean their wives are second fiddle to them. That their wives can’t have a say at home. That their wives must do everything to satisfy them.
D. African parents are too lazy to properly train their children. An African parents sees talking to their children, finding out the root cause of their misbehavior, reasoning with them, giving them the space to make mistakes and learn from their mistakes as a waste of time. They rather save time by unleashing the cane and striking their child whenever he misbehaves.
African men don’t have the patience to find out why their wife is moody. Why his wife is acting up and disrespecting him, why his wife is talking back at him all of a sudden. Why his wife is creating tension in the house. No time. He wasn’t given the opportunity to explain himself as a child before he was flogged. Why would he have the patience to let his wife explain herself before he slaps her or gives her a proper beating.
In African tradition, a man and a woman fall in love and decide to get married. The man then undertakes the often expensive and frustrating task of buying the right to his woman’s hand in marriage from her family.
He goes to pay homage to his wife’s people. He is given a long list of things to buy for the elders, parents and village people. He pays her bride price. He provides a large chunk of the money needed for the wedding ceremony (in most cases, he is solely responsible). He pays for their honeymoon vacation. He gets a house for his new family.
From an African woman’s perspective, while her man is not spending his life savings on obtaining the rights to her hand in marriage, she just gives him morale support (financial support in some cases but very rare). At the end of the day, she spends little to nothing, she changes her surname to the man’s surname, she moves location to where her husband lives, she takes care of a man like she would a baby.
Both points; the man spending his money and getting her rights to marriage and the woman changing her surname and serving a man connives to make a man feel superior to his wife. Makes him possessive. Gives him an unguided superiority complex. Makes him egotistic and in some cases narcissist. These culminate in a man that feels he owns no one an explanation if he hits his wife or sends her packing from the house or womanizes.
Bringing both notes together. There is strong and irrefutable evidence that African parent’s disciplinarian techniques and the African culture’s “women belong to men” mentality fuels an African man’s possessive nature and makes him prone to woman beater tendencies.