My colleague walked into the office today and with a stern looking face wished the guy undertaking his IT in our firm a “Happy Children’s Day”. The young man looked perplexed and seemed too ashamed to reply with a “thanks”.
“Are you not a child?”, my colleague enquired. “Aren’t you someone’s child?”. He continued. The IT boy looking rather embarrassed replied “yes I am someone child so only my parents are allowed to wish me children’s day”.
The colleague unrelenting continued “so your girlfriend calls you baby so she can wish you a happy children’s day? too right”.
Laughter filled the air and it’s with this premise that I wish everyone reading this post a “Happy Children’s Day”.
So it’s another Children’s day celebration and in my own humorous way I have decided to highlight five different ways men and women act like children. Let’s begin with the ladies. So guys sit back and enjoy.
1. Crying: Growing up as an African child, crying was a part of our daily routine. It’s either our elder ones bully us out of the big meat or mummy slaps some sense into out heads. But getting older as a boy I realized that crying wasn’t a “manly” thing to do. I remember the days in school when the teacher would call us (the stubborn empty headed gang) out for making noise in class and proceeded to flogging us in front of the class. It was like a “taboo” to cry. We would “chest” the beating, form big boy to get the approval of the girls in class. Woe betide any boy that cries.
On the other hand girls seemed to relish crying. It was like a contest to see who cried the most. I grew up thinking as girls got older, they would outgrow this habit. I was wrong. Girls cry, ladies cry, women cry, grandma’s cry. Crying is a part of the female metabolism. I hear it helps them cool down, helps let go of the pain or enjoy the joy but as the case girls act like kids by this attitude.Slow down would you? Lol
2. Teddy bear: I grew up with an amazing younger brother and we lived football. There was no week we wouldn’t ask daddy for N80 before he lives for work to buy felele ball (rubber ball) to play “monkey post” in the compound. We were either playing soccer or chasing after lizards or playing crown cork football (only men that enjoyed their youth will know this legendary game).
The girls on the other where either gossiping with friends, playing the “husband and wife” game or playing with teddy bears.
I grew up now as a man and have outgrown playing crown cork football, playing monkey post and other child like frivolities but to my uptmost amazement girls/ladies/women haven’t outgrown their love for teddy bears. It seems their quest for companionship encourages this “interesting” relationship with an inanimate object like a teddy bear. Life.
3. Providee: I would never forget my childhood crush, the thing that made me go gaga, the thing that made my day, the thing I wouldn’t give up for anything: McVitie’s Short Bread biscuits. I loved this biscuits more than life itself. Then the day that turned my life around. Daddy refused to give us money to buy the biscuits and I swore under my breathe as the 8 year old boy I was that I was gonna be so rich that I would buy a room full of them. My love for those biscuits have dwindled with time but my “ginger” to work, make money and be my own man has only grown broader wings.
Most men if not all are in this bracket. Men want to work and make enough money to take care of themselves and their family.
Girls on the other hand (minus a few) are more concerned with getting a rich man to take care of them than becoming a rich woman to take care of themselves. As the child I was, girls don’t want to get their own shortbread, they rather get it for free.
4. Hugs: “When I come home, my daughter will run to the door and give me a big hug, and everything that’s happened that day just melts away.” A quote by Hugh Jackman.
Hugs are children’s not so subtle way of showing love. This is one of the reasons they make so many friends.
Men on one hand outgrow hugging. Even when a guy wants to greet his friend, he wouldn’t dare hug him. They shake and give that “hand in front hug”. A guy only feels comfortable hugging a girl or his mother or sister.
Ladies on the other hand are serial huggers. They can hug for Africa. A girl hugs anything that has breathe. From children to guys to fellow girls to parents to lecturers to gate man. As babies, girls never outgrow hugs.
5. Pads: I asked a friend whose wife recently gave birth to their first kids (twin girls) how it was being a father. He replied with a smile “Amazing apart from having to buy Pampers for two babies at the same time”.
There is nothing more expensive in taking care of babies than buying baby pads until they are old enough to handle their effluents.
As faithful as God is, he made men capable of outgrowing pads. Girls on the other hands aren’t so lucky. They might outgrow wearing baby pads for a few years but would ALWAYS end up enduring a few long years of sanitary pad use. Not to worry, they would outgrow that too in their 40’s. These are times being a guy isn’t that bad. Lol
6. Report: I remember playing with a baby’s toy and unintentionally spoilt the poor thing. The way she stood up and reported me to her dad, you would have thought I bashed her head against the wall. Babies would report any form of injustice against them. They are aware of their “power” limitations and expect a “higher power” to fight on their behalf.
A girl would report anything she seems reportable to her friends, boyfriend, mother, sister. Literally anyone that cares to listen.
“You need to have seen how Sandra spoke to me in the office today. She has no respect”. Women..lol
7. Jealousy: Every child wants to have what another child has. You are prone to seeing a baby get jealous when her sibling has a toy she likes but doesn’t have. The parent would be forced to more or less get the exact toy or something similar for her so that peace will reign in the house.
Women are yet to outgrow this habit. A girl sees a dress/hair/shoe on another girl and likes it. Instead of simply admiring, she silently vows to get the same thing. Who suffers?
The man (father/boyfriend/toaster/husband).
8. Oppression: A child is ready to rub anything worth rubbing in the face of his friends. Is it his new school bag, expect him to wear it all the time to show-off. Is it her new Barbie doll? Expect her to clutch it any and every time. Is it his new toy car? Expect him to show it off whenever his friends come visiting. Babies show off.
Girls do too. Girls show off practically everything. Hair, clothes, shoes, car and even a rich or cute boyfriend.
9. Baby wipes: The fact that ladies use baby wipes used to clean a baby’s tender ass for their face as a form of makeup removal scrub is astonishing. I need not say more.