Gone are the days when a young man could attend a wedding with peace of mind. The days one could just go to a wedding, without a care in the world, enjoy a plate or two of the World famous jollof rice, take a few shots of wine, meet fine chicks, take pictures, collect souvenir, head home, sleep and wake up the next day like nothing happened.
A young man can’t be knocking on the door of 30 like I am and be able to attend weddings without added pressure. Like the rising cost of food items, dwindling Naira, faltering economy and the recent N145 price of fuel wasn’t bad enough. Can a young man breathe?
Attending a wedding for a bachelor of my grade has shifted gear in the following ways:
- Attending a relative’s wedding means daddy, mummy and those nosy Aunties and Uncles would go about with that annoyingly depressing “when are you inviting us to yours?” line and you have to fake that smile and say “soon ma”. Mind you, soon in a bachelor’s dictionary is a time frame between two years and ten years. Let them keep asking, I will keep ‘soon-ing’ them.
- I attended a wedding of this 40 years old groom and his 21 year old bride and I was jealous. I thought to myself, this dude is so lucky. By the time he is 60, his wife will be just 41 years old. So he is getting older but his wife is still young and fresh. Lucky bastard. So let’s assume I am 30, if I have to enjoy such privilege then I have to marry a 11 year old girl. Isn’t that illegal? So can I at least wait till I am 40 so I can marry a young wife and not marry someone that at old age we would be using walking stick together. Gosh.
- Nowadays attending a wedding as the old man they make me feel and being gainfully employed comes with the added pressure of spraying money or at least giving the couple a heavy envelope. So a young man can’t just come and eat and go?
- There is nothing more intimidating that watching your friends getting married and leaving you in the bachelor zone. Or there is something more intimidating, when this friend is younger than you (that’s when you will ask yourself by yourself “bros when are you getting married?”). Then to make matters worst, the young friend getting married isn’t even as financially buoyant as you are. There goes the “I want to make money before I marry” excuse. Damn.
- Oh lest I forget. The ex girlfriend you jilted or broke up with is getting married. Then the next ex. Then the next ex. Is something wrong with me? To add insult to injury, those friends that knew you guys as a couple way back in school oblivious of her marital status would be like “Ehen, how far Jennifer. You guys still together?”. Only if they knew Jennifer is married with two kids. Is at that moment network gets bad. “Bros I can’t hear you, network is bad. Let me call you back”. Idiot, be there asking stupid questions that don’t concern you.
- “Daddy would buy it for me” was the excuse a young boy would give when invited for a relative’s wedding and told to buy asoebi. Now, a young man is expected to spend N10,000 on asoebi material, spend money sowing it, buy fuel and transport himself to the wedding, spray money, eat jollof rice with one meat and end up taking a cup and plate as souvenir. Comon, business people, is that a good investment? Please marry, I don’t have to attend. Do I?
- Gone are the days when a bachelor could attend a wedding and not notice the deco, cake, asoebi, food, MC and the likes. Now any serious bachelor has to take note of such “trivial” things because it will soon be his turn. He needs to take the good points of each wedding attended, combine them to make his great.
- A young man used to be able to attend a wedding, notice a few fine chicks, get a few pins and numbers and call it a night. Nowadays, you attend a wedding and you are either bombarded with “the bride’s sister or her bride’s maid is not married yet” statements from well meaning friends. Then one has to deal with single girls going desperate with their cleavage busting, fresh laps showing dresses. This is too much pressure.
- Then the married folks have the audacity to form senior brother. You know that look married folks give single folks like us at weddings. That “this was me and it could be you too” look. Bros, please let me be. God’s time is the best.
- Lastly and for those dumb enough to go to a wedding with their girlfriends. This is a lose-lose situation because if you act so jovial and happy at the wedding, she gives you that “aren’t you ashamed of yourself, we are supposed to be married” look. If you look quiet and reserved, she gives you that “maybe seeing his friend get married is making him think about getting married soon” look. Then if God wants to punish you, the MC discloses that the newly married couple met each other just last year and you and bae have been dating for 5 years. Expect a very long quiet drive home brother.
READ: “The 8 Types of Bachelors”. Click HERE and HERE