I was having a conversation with a single friend when the issue of sex in marriage came up. She is sexually active but frowns at the slightest sexual approach by her boyfriend. Not because she is being spiritual but to her sex is overrated, painful and a total waste of time. I found her plight quite pitiful but the idea of sex could be rebuffed while unmarried but “what happens when you get married?”, I asked her. She looked lost in thought and replied quiet meekly “the truth is that I don’t know”.
On another day, I was conversing with another friend, this time a married woman who confided in me about her husband’s insatiable sexual appetite. In her words, “I was a virgin when we got married but he wasn’t. I knew I would have to sexually satisfy him as his wife but I never knew the task would be this cumbersome. His appetite is off the chain. I have had to use my period, headache, fever, tiredness, bad mood as excuses to wiggle myself away from his advances but he is no longer letting me off easy. That’s what I signed for when I got married so I have no choice but to carry my cross..lol”
Does it mean that men are naturally sexually insatiable? That women have to literally work hard to keep up?
Not at all. Read on please.
The story of Felicia (pseudonym) comes to mind to show that women could be the aggressor in this case.
She got married a few years back to the love of her life as she fondly calls him. They have a beautiful baby girl together and they are happy. But she’s not entirely happy though. Her sex life according to her is not blossoming like the family is. Her major concern is her husband’s premature ejaculation (when a man ejaculates too quickly during sex mostly under a few minutes). In her words, “he is very loving in bed but he cums too fast and its very frustrating. Before I even get my groove on, he has finished and it makes me very sad. I would give an arm for him to satisfy me sexually not just make me pregnant”, she concluded.
Is she alone in their quest for sexual satisfaction by her husband? Far from it.
A story I stumbled across making the news recently is that of one Sondra Earle-Kelly in the UK who allegedly battered her husband because he refused to have sex with her. According to Metro UK, 51-year-old Kelly hurled ceramic figurines at her husband when he refused to stop watching TV and make love to her then proceeded to beat him with a pair of nunchucks. Police found blood on the walls of the couple’s apartment when they arrived. Earle-Kelly, who was also said to have taken a tranquiliser tablets over the course of the evening, was charged with aggravated domestic violence and spent the night in a Charlotte, South Carolina police cell.
She literally beat up her husband for not having sex with her. I doubt a Nigerian woman would take things to that extreme but the message is resoundingly clear: sex is important in marriage. Very important I must add.
When getting married, remember the Bible said in 1 Corinthians 7:4 “For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
That’s the truth, your body is not yours, it belongs to your spouse. If you don’t like sex, please don’t get married to a man with an insatiable appetite. Your period can only offer you respite of three to four days in a month. The remaining 27 days, you are on your own. Remember, spirituality does not cover for sexuality in marriage. Be wise.
Click HERE to read the original story of the women who beat up her husband for not having sex with her.