In business, one of the first lessons a great leader would tell you is that its better to have a committed incompetent follower than a competent uncommitted one. This rule not only applies to business but to relationships and indeed marriage. Before we commence, let’s define both terms as it relates to relationships;
Competence is the ability to treat someone like they want to be treated while commitment is the state of being dedicated to someone.
Competence is looking for someone that would treat you like you want to be treated, someone that will not hurt you, someone that will love you with all their heart, someone that will prioritize your needs above theirs, some one that will be there when we need them the most and so much more. On the other hand, commitment is looking for that person that will be there with you come rain come shine, someone that will never give up on you no matter how many times you make mistakes, someone that promises to be there for you no matter what.
This is what happens when you have a competent yet uncommitted spouse, you have someone that has what it takes to make you feel loved and appreciated but doesn’t make you feel secure, doesn’t make you feel like the only one, makes you feel like one of many options. On the contrary, having a committed yet incompetent spouse is having someone that might not know the intricacies of loving you right but is committed to staying with you no matter what. He might not know how to now, but a committed person is always willing to learn. A committed person forgives even before an offense is committed. A committed person knows your past, recognizes your present and is steadfastly devoted to your future.
Permit me to use a business styled illustration to buttress my point. Microsoft employs a very competent first class graduate from Harvard University who is not committed to their cause. Along the line, Apple approaches this young smart man with a “double your pay” package with better benefits. Do you think he will stay? I doubt that. Then imagine this, Microsoft employs an incompetent graduate who is very committed to Microsoft’s values and seeks to make them grow. He is trained and his competence level rises while his commitment remains unwavering. Apple with the big bucks comes along to poach this young man from Microsoft. The same Microsoft that believed in him when no one did, the same Microsoft that saw past his poor grades, the same Microsoft that invested so much in him, the same Microsoft that he has bought into their dreams. Do you think he will leave? I doubt that.
Same with relationships, you can get a man that doesn’t know how to be romantic, he doesn’t know how to make you feel like the woman you want to. If he is committed to you, he is definitely willing to learn, teach him. No matter how good she treats you, no matter how romantic she is, no matter how supportive she is, if she’s not committed to you, its only a matter of time before she goes where the grass is greener. Ladies, no matter how loving he is, no matter how rich he is, no matter how good he makes you feel, if he doesn’t show you signs of commitment, then cut your losses. But if he’s committed to you, he sees beyond your mistakes, you see beyond his errors, he makes you feel like the only one, he might not be all you want but you can make a committed man become what you want. When a young lady dates a married man, she simply chooses competence over commitment (he treats her well but can never marry her). Make the right choice.
In closing, I looked up synonyms for both commitment and competence and here are my findings. Synonyms for competence include: adequacy, capability, capacity, skill and suitability while the synonyms for commitment include: attached, bound, devoted, faithful, pledged.
Now judge for yourself.
Competence or commitment?