Relationships are not perfect hence some relationships tend to fall apart and some more bitterly than others. Moving on after being dealt with heartache is not easy but I am hear to tell you that it is possible by following the steps outlined below:
1. Move On Literally: When a partner cheats, its quite imperative that you move on with your life. The heart breaker is an ex, make sure he/she remains ex’d in your life forever. Learn from the failed relationship and move on. Focus on other important things in your life like your career, your family, your health, your business, your education etc.
2. All Men Are Not The Same: I remember the very funny picture I saw some days back. A girl was telling a guy that “all men are dogs because they cheat alot” and the guy replied “so which breed is your father?”. When a guy cheats on you and you label all guys the same, it gives off a scent that repels sincere men from you and attracts unserious men. No wonder all the people that toast you are unserious, your emotional scent attracts them to you.
3. Forgive Him/Her & Forgive Yourself: I wrote an article on forgiveness and its benefits. Forgiving him doesn’t help him but it helps you. When you forgive the heart breaker you let go of resentment, clear your mind of emotional baggage and open your heart to true love. It also gets to a stage after heartbreak that you feel guilty. You ask yourselves questions like “what was I thinking?”, “why didn’t I see the signs?”, “why didn’t I figure out that he was cheating?”, “was I too blind in love that I didn’t know”? Its not your fault, forgive yourself.
4. Don’t Make Sense of Their Actions: Don’t try to make sense out of nonsense. Rationalizing your cheating spouse’s behavior or sympathizing with him/her is pointless. It is never OK to go outside of your relationship to solve problems within a relationship.
5. You Are Not Responsible: Some girls have the idea that some men cheat because they didn’t give him sex, or they didn’t treat him like he should be treated. In other cases, guys will assume the girl cheated because he wasn’t financially capable of taking care of her, or he was too strict on her. You are not responsible for a cheating spouse’s behaviour. The same way you cannot blame a snake for biting you, its a snake for goodness sake it was born to bite. A cheater cheats even if he is dating the Virgin Mary. Its not your fault.
6. You Deserve Better (Love Yourself): What loving yourself enough does is that it makes you realize that you deserve better than you were treated and you also deserve a better spouse.
7. Don’t Give Up On Love: Its not new that when people go through major heartache, they practically give up on love. Love is too risky they would say and continually live their life in loneliness and when they find out that they are getting old, they just marry for the sake of marriage. I wrote an article on this subject, pls read “Love is a risk: http://bit.ly/1iKzLZh” for more.
8. Cut All Forms of Communication: After you have forgiven him and removed all resentments you feel towards him in your heart, cut all forms of communication with him. This gives you space to heal and helps steady you emotionally because hearing from him could trigger feelings you want to lay to rest.
9. Don’t Carry Over: I have seen girls that make the new guy they are dating pay for the sins of the past guy that broke their heart. When moving on, move on totally and don’t make the new person pay for the sins of the former lover.
Another point is for you not to carry over your feelings for the cheating spouse. Girls often feel too attached to a heart breaker that the feelings jeopardize their new relationship and in so cases, they go back.
10. Make Sure You Are Ready: As I will always say, never enter a relationship with carryover pain or hurt from the heartbreak. Make sure you are ready both emotionally and mentally before you move onto another relationship.
Being willing to trust again is also an aspect of making sure you are ready.
11. God Heals: When this article was first published, it was initially titled 10 Ways To Deal With Heartbreak. I apologize for unintentionally omitting the most important element in dealing with a broken heart which is the Almighty Father. This might appear last, but its by far the most important because God not only deals with heartbreak but He is the only one that can heal it completely. They say time heals but that’s far from the truth, only God can heal a broken heart. The Bible says in Psalms 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds”. It also says in Psalms 34:18 “God is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit”. All other ten ways can only deal with heartbreak, God will not only deal with your broken heart, He will heal it. Look up to Him for solace and He will be there to comfort you.