I saw the picture above sometime last year and immediately I knew the answer to the question the picture posed. I didn’t own a blog then so I didn’t think much of writing an article on it. It was until 5 friends sent me the picture and begged me to write an article on it that I started gathering my thoughts for this piece.
Let’s make something clear before we commence.
Sex is not love. Sex is a component of love but not love in its entirety. Sex is one of the avenues for the expression of love but just one of many avenues. If sex were to be love then prostitutes would be the most loved people on earth. Love entails so many things like understanding, sacrifice, care, self control, protection etc.
Now we have ascertained that sex is not love, let’s now find out what cheating entails:
Having a relationship means being there for each other in every way both physically and emotionally exclusively. Cheating is sharing that physical and emotional aspect of you with someone else other than your spouse. Remember, it’s not only the physical aspect, but also the emotional aspect. When someone cheats, it doesn’t necessarily have to be sexually inclined. I will define cheating simply as undue divided attention.
Undue in this context can be defined as unwarranted or inappropriate. The reason why undue is placed in front of divided attention is because not every divided attention is bad or can be termed cheating.
For example, a couple spent almost all their time together but as soon as a child was born, they had to divide their attention for the upbringing of the child. So therefore, when someone is cheating on his/her partner means the person is giving undue (unwarranted/inappropriate) divided attention to another member of the opposite sex.
Cheating without sex could include:
Kissing someone of the opposite sex, spending too much one-on-one time with a member of the opposite sex, keeping a relationship with someone a secret from your spouse, spending too much time with someone you know wants to date you. There are many ways to cheat but these are just a few examples.
So back to the question; If Sex does not prove love, then why is cheating a problem.
Cheating is a problem because:
1. Love is all about trust and cheating erodes trust in a relationship. It creates an environment of distrust where the person cheated on suspects every movement of the person that cheated.
2. It makes the partner that was cheated on feel insecure about their position in the relationship asking themselves questions like ‘Am I the one?’, ‘Am I the only one?’, ‘Am I the right one?’
3. It makes the cheater look like a heartless liar because if you cheated on me and you could lie to my face about it then and not feel guilty then you must be heartless.
4. It makes the cheater look selfish. The funny part is people that cheat are often the most jealous spouses ever. She is cheating on you and would get jealous when she sees you too close to another girl, that’s guilty conscience at work making her look selfishly jealous (just made that grammar up..lol)
5. It makes the partner that was cheated on feel insecure on the inside asking themselves questions like ‘Did he cheat on me because I am not fine enough for him?’, ‘maybe its because I am not smart enough?’, or ‘maybe it’s because I am not sexy enough’, or ‘maybe its because I don’t make enough money to take care of her’. It’s a guilty trip that has no ending. In short, it makes the person feel like they are not good enough for the person that cheated.
In conclusion, we have discovered that sex is not love but one of the components of love. Having sex with someone not your spouse is called cheating but there are also so many ways to cheat on your spouse without having sex outside. Cheating damages trust in a relationship and trust is one of the most important requirements in building a healthy relationship.