Most times you see your pastor on the pulpit, dressed in his three piece suit filled with fresh anointing and grace. As soon as he starts preaching, there is this level of holiness and awe he exudes. He speaks on so many spiritual topics, leads people to Christ and sometimes through him people are healed of different sickness.
Then you think to yourself, do pastors have sex at all?
With this level of spirituality wouldn’t sex defile his spiritual standing?
All the time spent writing books, preaching and counseling people, would they really have time for sex?
Is sex not an unholy distraction from a pastor’s spiritual calling?
Then almost immediately, you see a picture of him and his children and be like “the only baby that didn’t come from the biological sperm-meeting-egg is Jesus, therefore unless this pastor’s children are from the Holy Spirit, it means he and his wife have been doing bad bad things.
When we talk about sex, the first scripture ever discussing this topic is Matthew 1:28 which says “God blessed them (a married couple) and said, be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth..”
Whether he is a business man, an engineer, a lawyer or a pastor, this scripture has always and will always stand.
I always wanted to write on pastors and their sex life but never really had the materials to proceed because I needed to speak to at least 2 pastors about their sex life and never got he opportunity to do so. As if by chance, I came upon an article on Saturday Punch titled “Pastors, wives open up on sex life”. In this write-up, pastors and their wives where asked about their sex lives and if they had erotic feelings like other people.
It was an interesting and eye opening piece and I would love to share what some pastors and their wives said.
According to Pastor Mrs Kemi Olofinkua of New Anointing Deliverance Church, Ikeja, Lagos, “sex is a beautiful gift from God within the marriage context. It is not possible for my husband not to have sex. He feels the same way other men feel because he is human. It is the food of our marriage just as physical food is for the body. We make it a regular affair because the absence of which can negatively affect our relationship and even his work as a pastor”. She further added that “people who think pastors don’t have sex must be funny. No matter the level of anointing, a pastor needs his wife at home. The difference between a pastor and other men is that he can cope whenever his work demands that he abstains from sex”. “But it is dangerous to make him burn with desire for sex without satisfying it with his wife. If this happens, he could be pushed out into the waiting arms of many others because pastoral work usually endears pastors to people both men and women. As a pastor’s wife, I don’t take my husband’s sexual need for granted. When he beckons, no matter how tired I am, I don’t turn him down”
Similarly, Pastor (Mrs.) Shade Toyin-Kehinde said it is a fallacy to think or say that pastors don’t have sex with their wives. She said, “Pastors are not woods. It is the same with pastors as it is for other men. Sex is an integral part of every marriage. It is anti-god to wish it away. a healthy regular sex is important to pastors because it makes them to maintain focus and avoid falling onto the laps of other desperate women, who wish to have them because of the glory on them. She said she makes it a point of duty to ‘serve’ her husband, especially after he has done great spiritual exploits, adding that a pastor who has a poor sexual relationship with his wife would engage in extra-marital affairs. Toyin-Kehinde, who is the wife of the pastor-in-chief of Agape Generation International Church, Maryland, said there should be no week without sex between a pastor and his wife. According to her, a healthy sex in marriage enhances holiness.
Speaking from a male pastor’s point of view, 84 year old Rev Moses Iloh, who is senior Pastor at Soul Winning chapel, Ebute Meta, Lagos also shared his personal love experience. He said, “It is foolish for a pastor to abandon his wife because he is doing God’s work. His wife is his priority. If you take good care of your wife, she will make love to you willingly.” He also maintained that some pastors pretend to be too busy to enjoy sex in marriage and thereby allow themselves to be overtaken by temptation because they neglect their wives in the name of spiritual abstinence”
Another male pastor, Pastor Bisi Adewale, said that nothing could be further from the truth than believing that pastors do not have sex with their wives. He said pastors crave sex just like every other man and in some cases more than other men because they only have their wives to turn to.
The lessons I have learnt and I hope you have also picked from this articles are:
1. Sex in marriage is holy: People have the mindset that anytime we think about sex, then we are either sinning or its unholy. As long as you are having sex with your spouse under the roof of marriage, then you are blessed and you will surely multiply (Genesis 1:28).
2. There is no substitute for sex: In the Bible, the first miracle Jesus did was when he turned water into wine. Jesus could not have turned nothing into wine, there had to be something for him to turn into wine. In marriage, no matter how much you pray about children, no matter how much we fast, if the husband doesn’t sleep with the wife, the sperm can never meet the egg. What happens after the sperm meets the egg is left for God to do but ensure you play your part before God plays His part.
3. You can never be too holy, not to have sex: You can imagine a pastor telling his wife that they need to fast and abstain from sex for a year in order to seek God’s hand in his ministry. If you can’t abstain from physical food for a year, why should you abstain from sexual food for a year. God didn’t design sex as a punishment but as a blessing.
4. Everyone has sexual tendencies: One of the interviewed pastor’s confessed that ‘body nobi wood’, as far as you are human, God has placed in all of us sexual urges. Are you in doubt that priests and nuns think about sex? and even some of them indulge in sex? if you are too holy to think that the priest or nun in your church is either thinking of sex or even having it behind close doors then you can as well think that they don’t use the toilet. It’s nature!
5. Sex is an integral part of marriage: The two major causes of divorce is sex and money. When the husband or the wife is not satisfied sexually, then the possibility of infidelity is high and we know what that leads to. This principle also applies to pastors with many issues of pastor’s sleeping with their congregation on the increase. A good sex life for a pastor always leads to a good spiritual life. #Simple
“Pastors, wives open up on sex life” by Bosede Olusola-Obasa on Saturday Punch (8/02/14)