FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE
There is only one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything. Did you ever stop to think of that? Yes, just one way. And that is by making the other person want to do it. Remember, there is no other way.
Of course, you can make someone do something by bribing the person or forcing the person or you can make a child do what you want by a cane or a threat. But these crude methods have sharply undesirable repercussions.
The only way I can get you to do anything is by giving you what you want.
What do you want?
Sigmund Freud said that everything you and I do springs from two motives: the sex urge and the desire to be great. John Dewey, one of America’s most profound philosophers, phrased it a bit differently. Dr. Dewey said that the deepest urge in human nature is “the desire to be important.” Remember that phrase: “the desire to be important.” What do you want? Not many things, but the few that you do wish, you crave with an insistence that will not be denied. Some of the things most people want include:
1. Health and the preservation of life.
4. Money and the things money will buy.
5. Life in the hereafter.
6. Sexual gratification.
7. The well-being of our children.
8. A feeling of importance.
Almost all these wants are usually gratified-all except one. But there is one longing – almost as deep, almost as imperious, as the desire for food or sleep – which is seldom gratified. It is what Freud calls “the desire to be great.” It is what Dewey calls the “desire to be important.” Lincoln once began a letter saying: “Everybody likes a compliment.” William James said: “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”
He didn’t speak, mind you, of the “wish” or the “desire” or the “longing” to be appreciated. He said the “craving” to be appreciated. Here is a gnawing and unfaltering human hunger, and the rare individual who honestly satisfies this heart hunger will hold people in the palm of his or her hand.
Have you ever done something and someone appreciated it, how did that make you feel? I am sure it added an extra spring to your steps. Even when a lady wears a beautiful outfit, makes up, wears those annoyingly painful heels, she longs for those “you look beautiful” compliments, that makes all the time spent in front of the mirror worth it.
The desire to be important makes you want to wear the latest styles, drive the latest cars, and talk about your brilliant children.
It is this desire that lures many boys into joining cults in school.
It is this desire that makes us use the latest phones.
The same desire makes us hang out with the popular people in school.
We nourish the bodies of our children and friends and employees, but how seldom do we nourish their self esteem? We provide them with rice and beans to build energy, but we neglect to give them kind words of appreciation that would sing in their memories for years like the music of the morning stars. One of the most neglected virtues of our daily existence is appreciation.
Hurting people not only does not change them, it is never called for.
When last did you appreciate your parents?
When last did you appreciate your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife?
When last did you appreciate your mechanic?
When last did you appreciate your cook or gateman?
No matter who we are, we crave appreciation, learn to appreciate people more.
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
“How To Make Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie