I was in the secondary school when the rumor that a male ice cream seller in Queens College, Lagos, Nigeria was beaten and raped by some students. Till today I don’t know how true this story is but it shows that men also get raped. Before I commence, let me explain the type of people that can be raped which include but not limited to; small kids (boys or girls), young kids (boy and girls) and grow ups (mostly girls). For this write-up, I will be focusing on the rape of ladies. I was having a conversation/advice session with a friend who was raped by a friend she trusted and the impact of this epidemic really dawned on me and tears filled my eyes.
Rape is one of the most scarcely discussed topics and more times than not, rape victims are most likely to remain silent about being raped and not tell anyone even their parents or siblings mostly because:
1. Who will believe me?: When a girl is raped by a guy she is dating or by her step father or her cousin, she battles with the knowledge that nobody might believe her.
2. The Blame Factor: When people tend to blame rape victims for being raped with stupid excuses like; Girls are raped because they wear skimpy clothes and expose their bodies (my answer to this crazy excuse is that mad women dress almost nude in public, why didn’t you rape a mad woman? or rape your sister who dresses in shorts and bra around the house?). They also fear their parents asking questions like; what were you doing in a man’s house?, what were you doing in the club when I sent you to school? and end up blaming them for being raped.
3. The Victim Tag: Rape victims also believe that once people know they were raped, their bride price will reduce and suitors will not want to marry them again (my answer to this is that I once dated a girl that was dis-virgined by 3 rapists and I cherished her. If a man loves you, having being raped is not a reason for him to not marry you).
4. What will the police do?: Girls are afraid that law enforcement agencies like the the police wouldn’t do anything especially if the parents of the guy is rich and influential.
How, who and where do girls get raped:
1. In the club/From the club: I was in the club sometime in November to celebrate my Master’s graduation when a friend of mine came in, we exchanged pleasantries and I continued my grooving. A little over 2 hours later, this same friend of mine seemed drunk (according to her afterwards, her friends encouraged her to drink plenty). She was so drunk that she started dancing with every guy that cared to dance, even the guys knew she was drunk and were fondling with her boobs and ass. The annoying part was that her friends cared less and left her to her drunk state, I couldn’t stand the sight any more and pushed her away from the two guys smooching her and it almost caused a fight in the club. Girls go clubbing and drink, drink and drink and get raped by wicked and insensitive men.
2. Boyfriend: I spoke with a very good friend of mine who confided in me on how her boyfriend, I mean her own boyfriend raped her. In her own words, she told him she wasn’t ready for sex and on that fateful or should I say an unfaithful day, after their usual kissing routine, he decided he had had enough and forcefully had carnal knowledge of her.
3. Blood relations (Fathers/step-fathers/cousins): I have heard stories of girls being raped by their biological fathers and step fathers (mostly small girls) and cousins.
4. Someone familiar: I stand to believe that over 60% of girls are raped by men they know or are familiar with, in most cases friends, girlfriend’s boyfriend, gate man, mechanic etc.
5. Unfamiliar face: People they don’t know.
How to avoid rape:
In the club/Party:
1. When attending a party, a social gathering or going to the club, try and go with a group of friends.
2. Check on each other throughout the evening, if you find out that a girl has had too much to drink and is acting out of character, get her to a safe place. If you have a reason to leave, tell your friends where you are going and who you are going with.
3. Don’t accept drinks from people you don’t know or trust because it could be drugged without you knowing it.
4. Always keep an eye on your drink, never leave it unattended and if by any chance you left it alone to use the rest room, please get a new one.
In his house:
1. Avoid going to a guy’s house alone, unless you trust the person.
2. Avoid taking alcohol at a guy’s place because once you start with one glass, before you know it your on your fifth glass and your dancing naked in his room.
3. Avoid taking drinks in a guy’s house you don’t trust even if the drink is unopened. Guys can inject sedatives into a drink like Five Alive.
4. Don’t wear skirt to a guy’s house. Your making life easy for him. wear ankle locked jeans (those jeans that putting it alone is a struggle).
5. Be careful and trust your instincts, please don’t feel too comfortable.
Walking on the Road:
1. Avoid walking home late at night alone biko.
2. Don’t be tweeting or pinging while walking home alone, be sensitive.
3. Don’t listen to music while walking home alone, be sensitive.
4. If you feel your being followed, fake talking to someone on the phone.
5. When going out and you know you will be coming in late, avoid going out in heels/gowns/skirts. Wear mostly trousers so if its time to run, you will run wella.
6. Avoid carrying too much luggage.
7. Make sure your phone’s battery is not drained in case you want to call someone for help.
8. If someone is following you, SHOUT like a mad woman, its better people think you’re mad than getting raped.
9. Learn to trust your instincts, if you feel uncomfortable about passing a place, please don’t.
10. Walk like someone that has fire on her bum, walk fast, no cat walking at night.
11. Learn to punch or at least scratch if someone holds you. Aim for his balls and kick it or grab it. Any guy will calm down..lol
12. All in all, be calm and think when attacked, there might be a weapon close by you could use against him and always pray before going out..very important.
1. Report to someone you trust and wouldn’t judge you.
2. Go to the hospital to get treated and in case he came inside you, then get your system flushed.
3. Collect or leave evidence by biting him or injuring him somewhere or recording it on your audio recorder for use against him later.
4. When most guys rape, they tend to video it and threaten to reveal it if you report. don’t be scared, talk to someone you trust and they will grab them before they can release the video.
5. Remember, don’t be selfish, you don’t report rape, and another girl gets raped by the same guy, you’re almost guilty. Report and get this bastard off the street.
Prosecution of rape isn’t so solid in Africa but as the saying goes ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’, you’re not helping by not reporting it and dieing in silence. God help us. # Stay Blessed